


are you a volleyball? cause i'd hit that any day

by MissMairin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Manga Spoilers, Multi, Pick-Up Lines, kind of, this is super dumb but idc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 12:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6005491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMairin/pseuds/MissMairin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>kuroo and bokuto engage in a battle of quick wit: pickup lines. </p><p>also known as: kuroo and bokuto both lose, because they should have known better to mess with the setters. what a bunch of nerds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	are you a volleyball? cause i'd hit that any day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Marlame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marlame/gifts).



> in honor of valentine's day and because my poor heart can't handle the fukurodani vs nekoma match right now  
> also this is for marlene just because  
> just pretend this is how volleyball games work. i know it isnt thats why this is a BS thing i wrote but YOU KNOW, whatevs!!

“Yo, Kuroo, you’re a bit quiet today, aren’t you?”

 

Kuroo sneered. If there was one thing he didn’t like about his best friend, it was that he had the ability to rile Kuroo up. He hated being unnecessarily provoked. Bokuto was just too damn good at it. “It’s not always good to be in the spotlight! But don’t worry, I’ll knock you down soon enough!”

 

He could feel himself being drawn into Bokuto’s pace. Not good. Kuroo shook his head, pressing a hand to his face to calm himself down. He needed to think this through, along with Kenma. Slowly but surely wins the race.

 

Kuroo jumped, getting ready to spike Kenma’s set. Out of nowhere, Bokuto was there. He definitely had a big presence, that was for sure. But it didn’t matter, Kuroo was calm, and this was his spike. He could feel it. It looked good, and it felt good on his palm. Kuroo landed on the ground and looked up, only to see his best friend sprawled on the ground.

 

 _Shit_.

 

Akaashi ran up to Bokuto, and knelt beside him. He put a hand on Bokuto’s head, making sure there wasn’t a bump or any pain. Nothing there, thankfully. Bokuto opened his eyes, and blinked, looking around blearily. Akaashi nudged him, worriedly asking, “Hey. Hey, Bokuto, are you alright?”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just fell for you, that’s all,” Bokuto said, as Akaashi helped him up. There wasn’t a sign of blushing or anything of the sort. It was like he hadn’t realized what he said. Maybe it was the adrenaline of the match, but whatever it was, he seemed completely unfazed. There was a chance that he really _hadn’t_ registered what he had said.

 

Everyone tore their gaze away from Bokuto and the stupid pick up line to see Akaashi’s reaction. For a while, the vice-captain only stood still, no expression on his face. Fukurodani expected Akaashi to scoff, roll his eyes, and reply with a snarky comment, or a combination of the three. Maybe even just ignore Bokuto altogether and tell everyone to pay attention to the game.

 

What everyone _hadn’t_ been expecting, however, was Akaashi’s _actual_ reaction.

 

“What -- what are you talking about?” Akaashi stuttered, his entire face flushing. It was obvious the redness wasn’t from over-exertion. He looked away from Bokuto, pulling awkwardly at his uniform. This wasn’t what he trained for. Sure, he trained forever to be the best possible setter he could be, but _this_? He didn’t know what to do. Coughing, he took a second to compose himself, and then put on his best vice-captain face. Akaashi turned to the team and clapped his hand. “Alright, everybody. Let’s get back to work. We’ve got a long way to go!”

 

Both Fukurodani and Nekoma were slow to their positions. They were still shocked that Akaashi had reacted so … so strongly. After how much they saw the two interact during the training camps, it was a surprise to see that type of reaction from _Akaashi_ , the resident stoic. A referee blew their whistle to hurry everyone up, and eventually, both teams got back to the game.

 

Kuroo just stared at Bokuto and Akaashi.

 

He formulated a plan.

 

He’d be damned if he let Bokuto get the spotlight this way, too.

 

The trash talking between captains continued, and the game surged forward. The two teams were evenly matched, points for both teams being racked up at a steady pace. When Kuroo’s spike got blocked for the second time in a row, Nekoma was sure he’d be grumpy. But he wasn’t. He didn’t even say anything to Bokuto. All he did was smile and turn to Kenma with a smirk that just screamed _trouble_.

 

“I’m feeling a little off today, but I’m sure you can turn me on.”

 

Yaku honest to goodness gasped, and covered his eyes. There was no way he wanted to witness the murder of Kuroo right in front of him. He hoped Kenma would at least save it until after the game. Maybe a referee would stop him and Nekoma wouldn’t be disqualified for killing their captain during a volleyball game.

 

Everything would be fine, right?

 

Everyone watched Kenma’s reaction carefully. No one knew what to expect after Akaashi’s reaction. Bokuto’s mouth was hanging open. He knew as well as anyone else that Kenma hated anything remotely close to public display of affection. Even pickup lines. Kenma stood without moving for the longest time. His face was twisted in the expression he made every time Coach told him to take care of Lev. Eventually, though, he covered his mouth with his hand and actually _giggled_.

 

It was the cutest thing anyone had ever seen.

 

From then on, both teams realized that there was a second battle going on, besides the actual volleyball game. The captains had their own mini battle going on: the battle of cheesy pickup lines. Their setters were the target of all the pickup lines, and to the surprise of _literally everyone_ , both were _loving_ it.

 

“Your hand looks heavy, let me hold it for you,” Bokuto said, loud enough for Kuroo to hear. He smirked and held up Akaashi’s hand for everyone to see. No one knew how to respond, really. Especially when Akaashi’s blush just made him ten times more pretty, as if that was fair to anyone at all.

 

The split second of hand holding was a challenge, and Kuroo wasn’t going to hold back. He smirked right back at Bokuto and took Kenma’s hand, pressing it against his uniform. “You know what my uniform is made from? Boyfriend material.”

 

Yaku booed from the sidelines, but Kenma just shook his head with a smile. This was embarrassing, and it brought too much attention to him, but it was also _cute_. So what if Kenma had a soft spot for corny pickup lines? Sue him.

 

In between points, the two captains began to bicker with pickup lines.

 

It wasn’t pretty, but it was _awesome_.

 

“If you were a booger, I’d pick you first,” Bokuto said, and Akaashi was _still_ bright red. Sarukui was flitting around nervously, he was sure if Bokuto didn’t quit with the pick up lines, then Akaashi would faint, and then where would they be? _They needed their setter!_

 

Konoha just thought it was hilarious.  

 

Kuroo scoffed.

 

“If I were a cat, I’d spend all nine lives with you,” Kuroo told Kenma wiggling his eyebrows and pretending to meow. Kenma pretended to look disgusted, but actually laughed out loud. It was beautiful, honestly.

 

Damn setters and their undeniable beauty.

 

Lev looked around, confused. Everyone was laughing and smiling, even during such an intense game, and he didn’t understand. Why was that funny? Lev scratched his head and pointed out, “But Kuroo, you _are_ a cat. We’re Nekoma. Our mascot is a cat.”

 

Komi and Bokuto exchanged a look, and burst into laughter. Everyone else muttered between themselves and covered their face with their hands. Kenma laughed again, and Bokuto straightened up. He needed to raise his pickup line game. At this rate, he was losing to Kuroo.

 

“Your legs must be tired,” Bokuto said, facing Akaashi. He paused for dramatic effect, probably just a bit too long, “Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.”

 

Kuroo gasped.

 

“Kenma, let me tie your shoes, I don’t want you falling for anyone else.”

 

“Akaashi, on a scale of one to ten, you’re a nine and I’m the one you need!”

 

“Are you a beaver? ‘Cause _dam_!”

 

“I hope you know CPR, cause you take my breath away!”

 

After each pick up line, the two captains got louder. The referee just looked exasperated. They gave up. They couldn’t do anything but enjoy the banter. The game itself was put on hold while the captains (maturely) went after each other.

 

Kuroo: “Are you Australian, because you meet all of my koala-fications.”

 

Bokuto: “Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure tied my heart in a knot.”

 

Kuroo: “Do you have any raisins? No? Well, how about a date?”

 

And finally, from Bokuto: “Are you a volleyball? Because I’d dive for you anytime.”

 

Everyone gasped. Bokuto had said it. He had said a volleyball related pickup line. Incredible. Akaashi was looking like he was about to die, and Kenma was doubled over in laughter. The entire scene was surreal, really. Fukurodani began to clap, they had to cheer their captain on, after all. Lev looked scandalized and began to yell about how Kuroo was obviously the winner. But everyone knew. Bokuto had won, at least the pickup line contest. He had related it to volleyball.

 

Game over.

 

“Well, I’m all happy that Kenma didn’t kill you, Kuroo,” Yaku said, looking disgruntled and motherly as always. He tapped his foot impatiently. “But we need to get back to the game. Even the referee looks pissed.”

 

Kuroo scowled. Ridiculous. How could he lose? He opened his mouth to say another pickup line, but Kenma just patted him on the arm. The dirty pickup line died on his tongue. Kuroo always had a soft spot for Kenma. He couldn’t really do anything else.

 

When the referee called for a time-out for the end of the first set, both teams sighed, relieved. They would have some time to gather themselves, and the captains would say something inspirational to their teams. Or so they thought.

 

Instead, Kenma and Akaashi were talking by the net. They were ignoring Kuroo and Bokuto, who were both trying desperately to get their setter’s attention. Instead, the two setters conversed quietly with each other, laughing and blushing together. A modern day Romeo and Juliet, if nothing else.  

 

Bokuto and Kuroo stood together, looking lost. They stared at their setters, wondering if the pickup line fiasco had even been worth it. Bokuto leaned his head on Kuroo’s shoulder and whined, “You know, even though I _technically_ won, I still feel like I’ve lost.”

 

“Me too,” Kuroo said, sighing wistfully.

 

In truth, they both had lost.

 

(That’s what the setters planned.)

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Cat and Owl's Guide to Friendship](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7356190) by [AngelaHearts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelaHearts/pseuds/AngelaHearts)




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